I didn’t start typing until almost a half-hour into the show. And I had just one phrase to show for it.

Il Volo.

Um, what was that? The Italian Jonas Brothers? Rejects from The Voice? A last-minute substitute?

Oh, I get it. They’re signed to Interscope. It’s a Jimmy Iovine thing. AY-YAY-YAY.

Hometown visits. Haley Reinhart, rain and tears. Scotty McCreery, a random donut and tears. AND JOSH TURNER, Y’ALL. BABY LOCK THEM DOORS AND TURN THE LIGHTS DOWN LOW …

Lauren Alaina and just tears.

We also get Nicole Scherzinger, who can’t seem to score a solo hit to save her life. Her album has been delayed now about 127 times. Dancers, smoke, 50 Cent and still — ME NO LIKEY.

Girl, I loved you on Dancing With the Stars. And I’m sure you’ll do fine hosting The X Factor. But — just stop.

OK LET’S GET ON WITH IT. Tonight feels particularly endless.

The first person in the finale: SCOTTY McCREERY. Not even a little surprised. None. He’s been a sure-shot since the first audition.

And the girl going forward is … LAUREN ALAINA. Wow. A bit surprised. Not necessarily unhappy. It seemed up in the air at this point.

And Haley’s face says it all. She is NOT happy. She’s like ice when Lauren goes to hug her. I guess I can’t blame her, really. So close. But singing “Benny and the Jets,” possibly her worst performance of the season, as a send-off? Not a good look.

That means next week we get a country showdown. Bring on the ballads and goofy faces! And tears. So many tears.

Are you happy with the outcome? Does Lauren stand a chance?

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